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10 Commenters that Make You Go HMMM

licensed by flickr user Noemi Manalang

I’ll admit. I blog for comments. Sort of. I mean, I started out in the beginning because I love to write, and shortly became addicted to the amazing power of a great comment. The internet’s great that way. Craft, write, hit publish, reap positive vibes from across the globe.

Who are some of these commenters, anyway? It’s amazing that anyone can find my craft blog amongst the sea of internet awesome. Most commenters are nice and genuine people, but some of them just seem to have ulterior motives.

1. The One-Up Her

This commenter can’t just be happy for you if you come up with a cool idea. She has to share her idea she had three months ago that was the same, but better.

2. The Shameless Self-Promoter

You’ve never gotten a comment from this person before. This comment is generically complimentary, but then goes for the jugular in sentence #2: come join my linky party! or I’m having a giveaway at my blog! Comment wraps up with their URL.

3. The Over-Sharer

Two paragraph comments are usually nice, but sometimes they just stray into the awkward. Like, when she signs off saying “I typed this all with one hand while I was breastfeeding Lil Chimpmunk! LOL!”

4. The Martha Martyr

To this commenter, you are Martha Stewart, and she is the dirt on Martha’s floor. “Oh, this is so beautiful. I could never make such an amazing popsicle stick finger puppet because I’m just not creative!” Yes you can, Martyr. I just showed you how to make it in three easy steps!

5. The Double-Dipper

This person wrote a very nice, heartfelt comment on your post. Awwww, that’s so sweet. Hey, she wrote the exact same comment on your best friend’s blog too. Awww, that’s so not.

6. The Sob Storian

If you’re having a giveaway, this person is at the ready with the reasons why you should pick her to win the 4-pack of glitter. I hope Random.org is swayed by sad stories! (This is the reason I use Random.org for giveaways. I want to be like Oprah and make everyone a winner! I am the good cop, and Random.org is my bad cop.)

7. The Stalker

She (let’s hope it’s a she!) comments on every article. Knows your kids by name and age. Knows where you work and casually drops the info in comments. Tries to friend you on Facebook and asks how your mom is doing.

8. The Invisible Man

This commenter leaves a detailed question (or often, criticism), but no contact information and a fake name. Sure, an email address is required in order for people to comment. You try emailing “ohnoyoudon’[email protected]” I welcome discussion and even criticism, but it’s really frustrating when you can’t respond to the person directly.

9. The Repeat Offender

This person is just a little trigger-happy.

1st comment – “Hi, I’d like to enter the giveaway”
2nd comment – “Whoops, I forgot to enter my e-mail”
3rd comment – “Whoops, I hit enter too fast”
4th comment – “OMG, did it again – I’m [email protected]
Gmial??

10. Suzy Knowitall

This commenter corrects two facts in each article and has a dry school-teachery tone. Oh, and the “facts” she corrected? She should have checked Snopes.com before she posted.

Just so you know, this article is just for fun. I welcome comments from all kinds of commenters, even the awkward ones!

Special thanks to Amy Anderson forhelp on this article too! Illustration licensed via Flickr by Noemi Manalang.

 

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25 Responses to “10 Commenters that Make You Go HMMM”

  1. Carmella says:

    Oh..this had me laughing out loud!! great post and so happy to realize that I’m not an awkward commenter….or am I??

    creativecarmella.blogspot.com hehehe

  2. Katie Evans says:

    hahaha! I loved every word. Very funny and VERY true! 🙂

  3. What fun , I love this !

  4. Jennifer says:

    Heather! I told you not to air my dirty laundry. 😉 You know I can’t help my crazy comments. Hehe.

    I know I’ve been guilty of at least half of those, by the way.

  5. I love this article! I know it is all tongue and cheek, but it is so true!! Also, you ladies have a great voice and writing style in this piece! I teach 9th grade English and would print this out to have them read as a great example! Well done. 🙂

  6. Now that we are all afraid to leave you a comment!! hahaha! That was pretty funny. Being fairly new to blogging I still feel flattered with the “Shameless Self Promoter” and luckily I don’t have very many blog friends that I could even know about the “Double Dipper”! Anyway, made me laugh…..On a more “serious” note, I did take out the option to leave a comment anonymously. Every once in a while I would receive the meanest comments EVER and I am fairly thick skinned (OK, not really) but I just felt like I didn’t need to put up with any of that. (I’m just blogging for fun with a hope that someday I could make a little $) Do you think I should put it back in or it’s fine to make people be part of Google to leave comments?

  7. Molly Smith says:

    This is SO funny but so true. I love the creative titles you gave each one 🙂 The Martha Martyr is my alltime fav! LOL

    Thanks, Heather!

  8. MelodyJ says:

    I just found this blog. This post was so funny. I have to be real. I have done some of those. Now that I found this blog I will visit again.

    @Selina
    It’s totally your choice if you want to have an anonymous option or not. But sometimes Google/Blogger messes up. The GFC box appears and reappears. For a couple of months people couldn’t post on blogger with their gmail accounts unless they also had a blogger account. But now that’s fixed. Just some things to consider.

  9. Love this. It does make me want to try and see if I could make a comment with at least 4 of the offenses. I think I’m probably guilty of at least a couple of those!

  10. This. was. hilarious. (and true!)
    I wish *I* was funny and clever enough to write a post like this… 😉
    Never thought about it, but that Martha Martyr can be a bit nervy! LOL!

  11. amy says:

    It was so fun to be online with you while you wrote this! I’m also writing this comment from my laptop while on the toilet. Signed, the oversharer

  12. This wouldn’t be half as funny if it wasn’t so true. I especially loved the self promoters (I delete those off my blog) and the sob stories for giveaways.

  13. margaux says:

    too funny and so true. although I am dealing with the “non commenters” like I know you’re out there but you say nothing unless I do a giveaway… le sigh.

  14. Natalie C. says:

    Let’s not forget the spammers, shall we? I swear, Word Press is saving my booty lately from them. “I love your article on this issue. I shall return to your blog daily. Thank you for such a fine contribution to this topic.” ????

    I love this post- it’s awesome!

  15. breanna says:

    crazy good article Heather!

  16. debbie says:

    well now lets see. you did great but i think an odd number of reasons would have had a bigger impact, much like an odd number of things in a display. although i can never get my displays as nice as any of YOU but i am having a give away for my crappy projects at http://www.thisisnotreal.com and oh, yes i enter giveaways all the time but i dont know why i have such bad luck and ive never won anything. guess i should go now the dog just thew up on the baby.

  17. debbie says:

    oh and i wanted to say the email used was not real there but is here (or is it???) LOL

  18. debbie says:

    and how many rules did i violate? i hope it was all of them!

    i have to go write a better blog now. well,after i start one. 😉

  19. Anna M. says:

    I can’t tell which is funnier, your article or the comments left for it.

  20. Anshu says:

    Great article! and the comments are just icing on the cake.
    /* Double checks to see if the comment falls in any of the above category,
    still unsure */

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